He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
