I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
