Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I forget how to act sober
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