He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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