Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
