when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
