me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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