I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
