Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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