i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
