I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
