Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
