I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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