Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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