She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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