If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
