i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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