I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
