Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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