i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
