Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
