apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
