theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
