well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
