Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
