i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
