you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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