listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
