Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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