You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
