I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
