Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
