Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
