Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
