I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
