How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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