this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
