I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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