Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
