Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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