So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
