I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
