Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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