i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
