You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
