Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
