Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
