i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
