Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
