are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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