I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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