so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
