Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
