The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
