I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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