38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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