Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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